oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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