I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
