wakey wakey hands off snakey
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
