You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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