Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
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