Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
