they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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