Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
