he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
