Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
