sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
