obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just want to make out with him forever
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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