My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
