I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
sex in a hospital.. check
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
