No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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