I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
