new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
