My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
