I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
