He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
