Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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