Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
