if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
