Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
