I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
