Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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