I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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