Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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