Do you still have your period?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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