I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
