She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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