I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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