Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
