Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
