i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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