mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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