god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
