If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
