a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
