I cannot find my penis.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
