he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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