dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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