I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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