He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
