I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
