Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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