Can i not drive my cunt home
I just saw a hot homeless man
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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