I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
