Non-Jews are for practice
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
