I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
