Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
