Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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